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Hey, everybody!!!

I just want to give a big, warm welcome to all my new followers!! I really appreciate and love you all for choosing to follow my blog!😊 You all are automatically awesome for following me!! If you want to know more about my blog, I have finally figured out how to create an ‘About’ page (just haven’t gotten around to figuring out how to put it in the control bar alone the top of the blog next to ‘Home’) and you can check it out by clicking here.

Anyway, this isn’t a story post. I have gotten several followers of late – of which I just LOVE!!! – and decided it would probably be prudent to do an index post giving a guide for everyone to all of my posts for ease of navigation and all that.

And I will be constantly updating this post whenever I do a new post! And this will be from now on the featured post on this blog.

So, to all my new followers who want to start from the beginning – or if you have been following me for a while and just want to read some of my posts and can’t find them or whatever – read on!

Stages of a Journey

So today’s one word prompt is “Imagine”, made myself tear up a little while writing this one, so hopefully that means it’s good *shrugs* hope you enjoy and have a great day/night! 🙂

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Hey

Stop a sec.

You seem troubled, I have something that will help, if you like?

Okay, great! Firstly, lift your chin up. Relax your shoulders…good, good

Now, take a deep breathe in and close your eyes…

That’s it…breathe in…hold…

Now let it out slowly…yes, your eyes still need to be closed…now I want you to imagine…something…you’re somewhere…it could be anywhere, it could be quiet…loud…busy…it could have animals…nature…or someone particularly special…it doesn’t matter where or what’s in it for now, it just has to be somewhere that might inspire…peace…safety…relaxation, so to speak…

I’ll give you a moment to get find that image and fix it in your mind…

You ready? Okay, keeping that image in your mind, let it soak into you…all around you…think about what you hear…feel…is anyone there with you? An animal? A bird perhaps? Maybe yourself?

Where are you? focus on your surroundings…let it embrace you…

Relax, there’s no trick, promise. Stop thinking, just breathe.

Breathe in, breathe out, let it embrace you…now…you’re going to be okay.

You’re safe.

Look at how far you’ve made it, how much you’ve accomplished. You’ve fought so, so, so much just to be here right now, in this moment. And it hurt. Fuck, it hurt. You’re probably feeling some of that pain resurface. that’s good.

Take a moment, feel it, acknowledge it, let it out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

That past verison of you, the someone who was there with you when you closed your eyes, they went through hell to bring you here. Yes, it was hell, and yes, it’s okay to acknowledge that. You should be so proud of how far they’ve fought and made it just to bring you here so you can flourish into yourself.

Be proud, be so, so proud…but you now need to let them, that past you, go. You can’t go back, ever go back, you can’t undo what’s been done. And that’s gonna hurt, but it’s a pain that will bring you closure and healing, it’s a necessary hurting. You’re probably going to cry and I’ll be here to be a shoulder for you, to be a space for you to feel whatever you need to feel…but that past you? They can’t come any further, they’ve gone as far as they could, but now you’ve grown from them into this you and now it’s time for you to keep going without them. You made it, you fucking made it, and it’s all thanks to them, the past you.

But now it’s time to part ways…and when you’re ready, we’ll go through this door up ahead into the next chapter, but they can’t come through it with you.

Take as much time as you need to say goodbye, I’ll be here and it’ll be okay.


COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

Always

so today’s short piece is using the one word prompt “always”. Hope you enjoy 🙂

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Grandma always had food.

There was no shame, no judgement.

If you were hungry, eat

Wanted seconds? Help yourself!

Your hungry cause your body needs food, and you need to take care of your body and it’s needs…at least, according to her anyway.

Always made sure we ate. She was the first time I felt relaxed and safe about food and actually taking care of myself

Always was there

Always had a smile, a laugh

Always will be the best and always loved her family

I love you, Grandma, always

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COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

Consumed at last

So I was looking at some word prompts cause again inspiration was hitting and today’s short piece is in response to the one word writing prompt “FREE”. I can’t remember where I found the list of one word writing prompts from, I just know I have it downloaded on my phone for when inspiration hits/when I have a free moment, so here’s today’s short piece, hope you enjoy! 🙂

TRIGGER WARNING: death, depression and suicide themes

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Acid

Ice

Fire

It all burned together as it plunged its fingers into my veins, digging and twisting deeper and deeper inside. Its tentacles laced themselves around me, slicing through my skin as it tightened its grip.

My lungs begged for air, but I couldn’t breathe. Something sticky seemed to be seeping into my lungs, like something heavy was pressing into my chest

Air

I need air

Please

Everything began spinning. Circles of darkness began spotting my vision as one of the tentacles pierced through my stomach and ripped straight through, pinning me to the wall behind me.

Maybe I should stop struggling…

I’ve struggled with this darkness, this cloud that follows me everywhere since I was little. Others could see vibrate colours, but I could not, not to the same degree, mine were tainted by the darker shades. I couldn’t feel the same way as others. There were others like me, but we were seen as troubled and we probably were. To fit in, to stop this thing consuming me, I tried to fight as my vision got darker and the colours faded even more. But there’s this entity called Vita (*) that tries to attack everyone. Some are not troubled, me, who was already weakened? It’s what has squeezed the last of the colours from my vision, it is what has me now pinned against the wall and is eating me alive. Tearing me apart, savouring every bite as it’s teeth and acid tear through my flesh while I remain paralyzed in place, no longer able to surpress the darkness…

…and no longer caring.

Go ahead. Take me. Destroy me. Let me go, let me sink into the crevice in my mind that has been trying to consume me for so, so, so long.

It can have me. Free me

I’m done.

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(*) Vita is latin for life

COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

The Aftermath

So this is a continuation of the idea from the previous post about the “villain” saving the “hero’s” love interest and how the hero isn’t really the hero and the villain isn’t really the villain and all that stuff and I decided to do an immediate aftermath after the love interest is saved by the “villain” and have it written from the “villain’s” perspective, and telling it solely from the dialogue, if that makes sense? Enjoy 🙂

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Oh, hey there. Looks like you’re waking up.

…Princess? You still with me? Wake up now, come on. Come on, love. No, shhh, hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe, they’re gone, they can’t hurt you anymore…Yeah…yeah, I know…you probably have a lot of questions, everything’s a big shock right now, but right now, you’re in a safe place alright? You’re also wounded. Like, like pretty bad, there’s blood and cuts everywhere, probably some infections. I tended to as many as I could while you were passed out, others require more complicated medicinal needs, so I’ve sent for a Healer, a dear friend and an outcast like me and…and now you, to come and tend to you…don’t worry they’ll take good care of you, you have my word.

Right now, though, I wanna take a quick look at the ones I did tend to earlier to see how they are doing, is that alright? I will also have to touch you to quickly undo the bandages to inspect the wounds, will that be okay? No? That’s-no, no, you don’t have to explain yourself, I will respect your wishes and I totally understand why it wouldn’t be okay right now…I will need to inspect them again at some point, but that can be when you’re ready, okay?

Good, good…would you like some nourishment? I’ve got a broth brewing and I can make some tea, I can imagine you would be in need of something…you would? Excellent, I’ll go get that for you. I’ll just be going through that doorway right over there, and I’ll keep the door open so that you can see me and what I’m doing so you know that I’m not trying to harm you, and just so you don’t feel abandoned and alone right now, is that okay? Also, I want you to know that you don’t have to be verbal at this time, you’re probably trying to process or stall the processing of everything that happened, so it’s totally fine if you go nonverbal, alright? Good, I’ll go get your food and drink for you now, Princess, I’ll be back.

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COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

Smokes and mirrors, veils and lies

Well.

That wasn’t meant to go quite like that…

It was meant to be him

He was the good guy. He always followed the rules, prayed every morning. He tried to always do what he believed God wanted. He always talked about a future with me.

Marriage

Children

Where we would live

Different hobbies we both enjoyed and how we could do them together

I loved him.

He said he loved me too

He was the town hero. Everyone looked up to him.

So tell me why when I needed saving, when my life was on the line, when I was broken, bloody, when it was a choice between saving his love or sacrificing his love…it wasn’t him that came to save me?

It was him who looked me in the eye as a smirk slowly formed and he opted to let me burn?

Why wasn’t it him that saved me? Was it a lie? Had I been naive, an idiot?

Out of all people, why was it her?

Her that saved me?

The witch, the scorned and spurned. The one that was the most evil and vilest monster…why did they come save me? Were they as bad as I had been led to believe? Was the hero as good as I had been led to believe? What was true? What was the charade and what was the truth?

Who do I trust?

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This is very poorly written, but it’s a story idea I’m playing around with, hope you enjoyed, and have a great day 🙂

COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

Realizations

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussing abuse, sexual assault, toxic family members. It’s also a personal vent cause the memories have been affecting me a lot, more than I wanna admit, and I’m trying to work through it, and I needed to get it off my chest, so here goes.

Groomer

From the memories that are starting to come back, that’s what it’s looking like they were

Groomer

But they read the Bible…okay they were already abusive despite that, but surely not as far as this, right?

Groomer

But then again…it’s not normal to deliberately go all the way out to the backyard to say goodbye to your daughter and ONLY your daughter when you’re about to go shopping and when she says goodbye to very deliberately grab her face with both hands and intentionally kiss them on the lips, especially when it’s your child and they’re around 11, 12, that’s too old for any of that…right?

Groomer

What about the other times after that, where she’d go to kiss you goodnight on the forehead and how you went to kiss her was strange, the way you kept moving your head…almost like you were deliberately trying to get her mouth…and this is when she’s a teenager…that’s not normal, right?

Groomer

Walking in on her getting changed and not looking away, not listening when she asks you to leave, just saying “I’m just grabbing this” and then after grabbing the item, leaving, shutting the door and then poking your head back in…but that was just joking around like you said, right?

Groomer

Then there’s checking out your teenage daughter’s ass and commenting on how good it looks cause you’re just ‘trying to figure out if you’ve finally lost weight or not’…that’s nothing to be concerned about…right?

Groomer

Taking advantage of your daughter’s crush on a much older gentleman and making her believe that that’s what God wanted, for her to marry him, and then start to plan to have it happen before the daughter turns eighteen…totally not child marriage, right?

Groomer

As a result your daughter starts having nightmares that you’re going to have sex with her, that you’ll touch her in her sleep and is scared cause she believes that she has to do what you want, but you’re her father…that can’t be how things work, right? Also as a result, keeping herself clean and tidy down there is done according to what you’ve told her in private you like in a women and what looks good for a women cause of everything above and she wants to keep you happy and doing anything that deviates from how you want women to tidy up down there caused her a deep shame and fear that she still struggles with today despite you being dead.

Groomer? Culty?

Or is it her? Is it her fault? Was she the monster that somehow wanted it even with her own family? But she’s a minor and your daughter, why on earth would she want that? How is a child responsible for an adult’s actions? But fathers shouldn’t want that with their own child, they’re meant to love their children, so maybe it was her all along?

Groomer

And then there’s the times you allowed her to be touched and abused by others in the middle of the night in her own bed, that was meant to be the one safe place in that home, starting when she was five or six and threatening her into keeping it quiet from her mother over the years, convincing her at such a young age that this was what God wanted cause you were a prophet, resulting in it continuing until she was just a couple months from turning 18 when she finally spoke up.

Groomer

But I guess it all happened cause Daddy’s are meant to just really fucking love their little girls, huh?

Update

About three weeks ago, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Have been busy learning how to manage it, while also working and studying and my family’s moved into a new house, and a lot of shit like that.

How are you guys doing? What have you been up to?

YouTube Edition

So I wrote a short story piece called The Fire Within on my blog (this one right here) in my previous post I believe, and I really wanted to read it out loud, so I went and did a video recording of me reading it and then using CapCut uploaded it as just an audio and layered it over some photos and videos of myself I have because the story was inspired by my story and shit. I added a couple things in while reading it, stuff that I was initially hesitant to add in the written version in the previous post, so this is a slightly different version of the story, same stuff, just one or two added things.

I hope you enjoy, that it somehow helps someone. Hope the sound is okay, let me know if there are issues with it. Have a lovely day/night.

The Fire Within

(Photos by me)


For he set the spark, but she set it ablaze…

People will tell you that these are the same person.

But they’re not.

They may share the same name, the same date of birth, the same DNA, even.

But they are not the same.

The girl on the right of the photo collage grew up thinking she was worthless, a child of Satan. She could never please God and was destined for Hell. She was raised to believe that she had no voice, primarily because of being female, any thoughts or opinions that questioned her father and her religion were of the Devil because she was his and he came to tempt what was his and her thoughts therefore had to be shackled, repressed and held captive under the Name of her Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

She tried so hard to follow a Godly life, to deny herself and take up her cross, but she started to realise that she must have been continuing to do something terribly wrong because she was beginning to be touched in places she should never have been touched, especially at such a tender age. She must have sinned, and her sin must have been great to have really displeased God, so she didn’t deserve any help from anyone, at least that’s how her father berated her when she came begging him for safety and protection. And he was a self-proclaimed prophet and voice of God, so he had to be right, right?

Desperate cries and pleadings to God Himself, begging to know where she was angering the Almighty fell on deaf ears as the touching continued, accompanied by beatings, that varied in occurrence and frequency. She kept crying out, but her cries remained unheard and ignored, so she learnt to fall silent, be quiet, as their fists rained down on her. She must have done something so horribly unforgivable to not be answered, so why bother crying out?

She was sad, anxious, terrified to go to bed at night, of what awaited her along with being terrified to make a single mistake. She had no voice, she was trapped in her own home, she even also liked girls along with guys and sometimes questioned if she was actually meant to be a female, how much more could she possibly disappoint the Almighty who continued to ignore her? Death tempted her for a while. She felt foolish, dumb, was always told how lazy she was, was told by some people that she was possessed by the Devil and that Satan was using her to cause trouble amongst her own siblings, and God was so angry with her, that if she didn’t change, she would be destined to Hell. She was fat, could never eat the right amount, was called horrific names because of her eating habits, and was forced to starve herself.

But it was all in the name of God, according to her father, the prophet.

So, this woman was quiet, did as she was told. She was a good religious girl, never questioned her place in the dust where she was thrown down and so brutally trodden on, accepting whatever punishment her father said the Almighty brought down on her whenever God felt like it, being constantly reminded how much her father wanted them dead every day. The dust was all she knew, where she was constantly thrown, until it broke her to pieces. And she must have deserved that, too.

But…

Then someone came into her life. Someone who was rough, a wannabe hermit and also, to be quite honest, crazy and just plain odd. He also came from like the opposite side of the world to her.

But there was something about him that made her start looking back on her life, made her question everything she believed about what was going on. This person showed her, without even realising he was doing it, the truth about the system that she was in; the truth about the torture, the abuse and lies, the manipulation that she was under and that was keeping her enslaved. They opened her eyes to what a horrible place she was in, and showed her that there was more, way more, to her and to everything, and that there was a way to find herself, her true self.

Without realising it, they had handed her the keys, they had handed her the match.

Desperate and curious, she took the keys, she took the inspiration and opened the door to find herself and took the first step. And then the next. And then the next and the next.

He made the spark, but she set it ablaze.

Each step she took forward was a battle. Storms, floods, thunder, blizzards, demons – they all came pouring out to stop her, to force her back. But with each determined inch forward, she peeled back little by little the layers of lies she had been forced to consume about herself. Little by little with each step she uncovered the light within her, the utter power within herself that she held that if she would only trust herself to take the reins and unleash it. And oh! the full and rich life she would have, the pathways she would forge, the utter divinity of her being that would blaze around, in and throughout her if she would only take it.

Alas, to do that was a hard lesson to learn. She wanted to jump straight in, but it was too overwhelming. She was utterly terrified for a while to step into it again, to own it, accept and harness her energy, to come into everything that she truly is, because what if? What if this wasn’t right? What if her father was right about her and what God wanted the whole time? What if she truly was ungrateful and rebellious and what if she didn’t deserve this goodness and potential that she was uncovering and displaying before herself?

This is a lesson that she learnt and relearnt many a time, through the assistance of that person. He helped her learn, he was there by her side, through every slip up, comforting her, helping her centre herself and retrace her steps whenever she would get lost, and doubtless she did indeed get lost. He helped to piece her back together, always reminding her of her worth and potential. Slowly, she learnt to accept and submit to this power within her, this energy, all the odd and controversial parts of herself, her true and uniquely powerful essence of being until it began to transform her. It shaped her, turned her into something new, her wings began to uncurl and come forth wide and eager and her crown emerging as she starts becoming whom she was truly meant to be, something that was horrifically stolen from her before she could even become aware of it.

If her transformation is complete, she could not tell you as she is not quite sure herself, but she now knows the path she must pursue on her quest. If it’s a path and quest that she will be pledged to for eternity, or just a starter until a new quest emerges, she cannot say. But her armour is fastened, her crown secure and her feet steady, so on this path she sets out, her light firm. No more father, no more religion, once quiet, scared and submissive, now loud and strong and passionate, completely shed of her old skin and has stepped into their new skin, with new labels and everything, the beautiful person that was originally intended when they were being created.

No matter what happens, no matter if she slips, she strives and fights to stay on the path she’s on, there is that one person always by their side fighting alongside them, always encouraging them to step into their power every single day, to help them when they can’t help themselves, walking alongside them. She has her true power, she has stepped into her being, she knows her own worth, and will fight as the queen she has realized she is.

She will never go back. Their power and light can only reach upwards.

For he set the spark, but her divinity set it ablaze.


COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.