(Photos by me)
For he set the spark, but she set it ablaze…
People will tell you that these are the same person.
But they’re not.
They may share the same name, the same date of birth, the same DNA, even.
But they are not the same.
The girl on the right of the photo collage grew up thinking she was worthless, a child of Satan. She could never please God and was destined for Hell. She was raised to believe that she had no voice, primarily because of being female, any thoughts or opinions that questioned her father and her religion were of the Devil because she was his and he came to tempt what was his and her thoughts therefore had to be shackled, repressed and held captive under the Name of her Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
She tried so hard to follow a Godly life, to deny herself and take up her cross, but she started to realise that she must have been continuing to do something terribly wrong because she was beginning to be touched in places she should never have been touched, especially at such a tender age. She must have sinned, and her sin must have been great to have really displeased God, so she didn’t deserve any help from anyone, at least that’s how her father berated her when she came begging him for safety and protection. And he was a self-proclaimed prophet and voice of God, so he had to be right, right?
Desperate cries and pleadings to God Himself, begging to know where she was angering the Almighty fell on deaf ears as the touching continued, accompanied by beatings, that varied in occurrence and frequency. She kept crying out, but her cries remained unheard and ignored, so she learnt to fall silent, be quiet, as their fists rained down on her. She must have done something so horribly unforgivable to not be answered, so why bother crying out?
She was sad, anxious, terrified to go to bed at night, of what awaited her along with being terrified to make a single mistake. She had no voice, she was trapped in her own home, she even also liked girls along with guys and sometimes questioned if she was actually meant to be a female, how much more could she possibly disappoint the Almighty who continued to ignore her? Death tempted her for a while. She felt foolish, dumb, was always told how lazy she was, was told by some people that she was possessed by the Devil and that Satan was using her to cause trouble amongst her own siblings, and God was so angry with her, that if she didn’t change, she would be destined to Hell. She was fat, could never eat the right amount, was called horrific names because of her eating habits, and was forced to starve herself.
But it was all in the name of God, according to her father, the prophet.
So, this woman was quiet, did as she was told. She was a good religious girl, never questioned her place in the dust where she was thrown down and so brutally trodden on, accepting whatever punishment her father said the Almighty brought down on her whenever God felt like it, being constantly reminded how much her father wanted them dead every day. The dust was all she knew, where she was constantly thrown, until it broke her to pieces. And she must have deserved that, too.
Then someone came into her life. Someone who was rough, a wannabe hermit and also, to be quite honest, crazy and just plain odd. He also came from like the opposite side of the world to her.
But there was something about him that made her start looking back on her life, made her question everything she believed about what was going on. This person showed her, without even realising he was doing it, the truth about the system that she was in; the truth about the torture, the abuse and lies, the manipulation that she was under and that was keeping her enslaved. They opened her eyes to what a horrible place she was in, and showed her that there was more, way more, to her and to everything, and that there was a way to find herself, her true self.
Without realising it, they had handed her the keys, they had handed her the match.
Desperate and curious, she took the keys, she took the inspiration and opened the door to find herself and took the first step. And then the next. And then the next and the next.
He made the spark, but she set it ablaze.
Each step she took forward was a battle. Storms, floods, thunder, blizzards, demons – they all came pouring out to stop her, to force her back. But with each determined inch forward, she peeled back little by little the layers of lies she had been forced to consume about herself. Little by little with each step she uncovered the light within her, the utter power within herself that she held that if she would only trust herself to take the reins and unleash it. And oh! the full and rich life she would have, the pathways she would forge, the utter divinity of her being that would blaze around, in and throughout her if she would only take it.
Alas, to do that was a hard lesson to learn. She wanted to jump straight in, but it was too overwhelming. She was utterly terrified for a while to step into it again, to own it, accept and harness her energy, to come into everything that she truly is, because what if? What if this wasn’t right? What if her father was right about her and what God wanted the whole time? What if she truly was ungrateful and rebellious and what if she didn’t deserve this goodness and potential that she was uncovering and displaying before herself?
This is a lesson that she learnt and relearnt many a time, through the assistance of that person. He helped her learn, he was there by her side, through every slip up, comforting her, helping her centre herself and retrace her steps whenever she would get lost, and doubtless she did indeed get lost. He helped to piece her back together, always reminding her of her worth and potential. Slowly, she learnt to accept and submit to this power within her, this energy, all the odd and controversial parts of herself, her true and uniquely powerful essence of being until it began to transform her. It shaped her, turned her into something new, her wings began to uncurl and come forth wide and eager and her crown emerging as she starts becoming whom she was truly meant to be, something that was horrifically stolen from her before she could even become aware of it.
If her transformation is complete, she could not tell you as she is not quite sure herself, but she now knows the path she must pursue on her quest. If it’s a path and quest that she will be pledged to for eternity, or just a starter until a new quest emerges, she cannot say. But her armour is fastened, her crown secure and her feet steady, so on this path she sets out, her light firm. No more father, no more religion, once quiet, scared and submissive, now loud and strong and passionate, completely shed of her old skin and has stepped into their new skin, with new labels and everything, the beautiful person that was originally intended when they were being created.
No matter what happens, no matter if she slips, she strives and fights to stay on the path she’s on, there is that one person always by their side fighting alongside them, always encouraging them to step into their power every single day, to help them when they can’t help themselves, walking alongside them. She has her true power, she has stepped into her being, she knows her own worth, and will fight as the queen she has realized she is.
She will never go back. Their power and light can only reach upwards.
For he set the spark, but her divinity set it ablaze.
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