Hey everyone! I realised I hadn’t done one of those one word prompts in a little while, so today’s word is: BRAVE. It will also be that next installment in my Dear Diary series that I mentioned in my latest podcast episode, which you can find by clicking here. This is a completely authentic ramble, with the poor disguise of a fictional diary entry XD
Dear Diary,
Things have changed since my last post.
For the better, so it seems.
I’m slowly working through my healing journey from various things. I still have progress to make, I do slip every now and then, but I’m slowly getting better at getting back up again. I have an amazing partner that helps me and am figuring out other methods to work with. Might take up therapy, but we’ll see, I’m still scared of therapists lol!
But the point is that I’ve made progress. Physically, but most importantly mentally and emotionally.
And I’ve been able to slowly get my groove back with writing. And slowly coming back to reading and trying to interact again with the blogger friends I had before I suddenly skyrocketed in a downward spiral and was literally silent on here for ages. I realize I’ve almost definitely hurt some people in here for some of the weird mental places I went and other shit and I am so sorry for that.
I’m feeling more confident in myself. More assertive and sure of my boundaries and beliefs. I can now look in the mirror and love myself and also not worry about what other people think about my impulsive yet organised and planned out side, but embracing that energy and coming into my true self. I’ve found my style, and I’m rocking it! I’ve stopped worrying about what negative things others think or say and just been trying to rest on the fact that this is something I personally enjoy and find peaceful and that is what’s important. I do care a little bit about what some people think, but not as obsessive with it like I used to be. It’s more like, I’ll hear out what you think, pray about it, appreciate your concern, but it’ll have no affect and/or input on my final decision if I find it’s not something that aligns with myself and who I am finding myself to be, but I do appreciate the concern. (:
I am branching out into new things – making art for my stories and characters and have also created a store through Ecwid for my art. Also have started up DnD again, which is interesting refreshing and relearning stuff with that and am considering leaving church and organized religion entirely. I still believe, still pray and read and practice the teachings, but I will not be attending a church. Nothing against churches, I just don’t feel like they’re for me and how I want to practice my faith. I just don’t know when I should leave and how to let people know, I’m still figuring that out. But, don’t worry, I’m not against people going to churches, in fact I encourage it if that’s how you feel you should practice your faith, I’m not bothered in the slightest, just for myself I don’t feel to attend 🙂
I’m planning on dying my hair in the next few weeks and possibly get a tattoo, some more fun, emo accessories and outfits that give off pirate vibes, get my P’s this year and get through the rest of my Foundation Studies. Have been shortlisted on a job, so fingers crossed and have temporary election work coming up, I’ll be the Hygiene Officer, very excited and nervous lmao
Here’s to the ups and downs of healing and to a better and more confident future, and now that I’m in a better mental place, I don’t know if I need to continue these entries anymore. But if I find something to talk about in here, I will definitely remember to let you know, my dear diary. You’ve been a good friend, even if I neglected you for months in between entries, for which you have my apologies.
Lots of love,
Avery
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