I won’t talk to you.
I can’t talk to you.
Cause I’m scared – scared that I’m just repeating my biggest regret by picking you as a friend.
You say I’m not a bother, that I’m not burdening you, but I think I am and you’re just being nice.
You say you don’t mind me coming to you about my problems – but the thing is, I think I only do it because I’m using you to make myself feel better. You’ve got your own issues, and you seem to be able to handle them just fine without actually having to go to anyone.
But look at me – I’m a tearful mess, dumping it all on you and not handling it myself.
And you say that it’s not bothering you?!
My best friend – one who won’t talk to me anymore – used to tell me what I was: that I was simply using him to feel better and for entertainment, even though I wasn’t.
He’d pass it off as a joke and that I was fine.
Then he’d say that I just liked to aggravate him and that my sense of humour was weird and that I was annoying.
But now I see he was probably telling the truth.
And I didn’t even realize I was doing any of it.
So, I don’t want to talk to you – or anyone else anymore – because I’m terrified that if I open my mouth, I’ll just be trying to use you. Even if I’m not planning on doing that. I don’t want to use anyone, but it’s clear I do it even without realizing it.
I want to ask you if this is actually true, but that’s probably me just using you to make me feel better. Plus, if I’ve used people before for my own benefit and I myself didn’t even realize it, how would you?
So, despite what you assure me isn’t true, I think it’s best that we part ways here – because I’m probably doomed to repeat myself.
Decided to try and explore this type of mindset of someone who had been in a toxic relationship and is terrified of finding oneself in it again, even if the person who’s perspective this is written from is innocent and not actually guilty and it was the other person who was accusing them of being manipulative that is actually the one who’s doing the manipulating.
Hope that made sense, anyway.
Have a great day/night!
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