As Fleeting As Smoke

Sorry that I haven’t been writing stories very much lately. Been caught up with a lot of things. I’m hoping to remedy that and write more. Please forgive me.

THIS IS JUST A STORY WRITTEN IN DIARY FORM!!!

January 3rd

Dear Diary,

I don’t know where to begin.

I’m just really frustrated. With everything.

With my job.

With my friends.

But most of all myself.

And I guess that’s the core of the problem – I’m so frustrated with my inability to learn and to constantly be an idiot, that I take it out on everyone else and act like their the problem, when all along the problem is me – and I’m just trying to run from it.

I don’t get it.

I used to love what I do. I used to be popular. I’d love talking with people who loved what I did, how unique I did it, how I refused to compromise.

Then I compromised.

I don’t know why – I think the fame and everything got to my head. But as soon as I compromised, as soon as I stepped away from the core, the essence of me with my job…everything spiraled down hill.

It was like no-one wanted to anything to do with me anymore.

And it took me too long to realize my dreadful mistake.

That I shouldn’t be concerned about my fame.

What I should be focused on is doing what I love, the way I love it, without giving a bloody shit about how others thought about what I was doing.

But instead I got too caught up in the world’s way.

And when I changed and went back to myself, it was too late. People had found out; found that I had become tainted.

And that has ruined me. While I no longer care what people say or think, for some reason, when I do that which I love…it…it’s like the spark has gone out of me; like I no longer care about what I’m doing. And I don’t get why. Am I too nervous, you know, ‘once-bitten-twice-shy’ type deal, after this sobering lesson? It’s really got me worried. Or is it the fact that I know the quality of what I do has seriously declined from what it used to be?

For once, I wish my life was like one of those cheesy movie flicks.

At least then I know that my life would be going the way it should have gone.

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[Image found on the Internet]

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