Sorry that I haven’t been writing stories very much lately. Been caught up with a lot of things. I’m hoping to remedy that and write more. Please forgive me.
THIS IS JUST A STORY WRITTEN IN DIARY FORM!!!
I don’t know where to begin.
I’m just really frustrated. With everything.
With my job.
With my friends.
But most of all myself.
And I guess that’s the core of the problem – I’m so frustrated with my inability to learn and to constantly be an idiot, that I take it out on everyone else and act like their the problem, when all along the problem is me – and I’m just trying to run from it.
I don’t get it.
I used to love what I do. I used to be popular. I’d love talking with people who loved what I did, how unique I did it, how I refused to compromise.
Then I compromised.
I don’t know why – I think the fame and everything got to my head. But as soon as I compromised, as soon as I stepped away from the core, the essence of me with my job…everything spiraled down hill.
It was like no-one wanted to anything to do with me anymore.
And it took me too long to realize my dreadful mistake.
That I shouldn’t be concerned about my fame.
What I should be focused on is doing what I love, the way I love it, without giving a bloody shit about how others thought about what I was doing.
But instead I got too caught up in the world’s way.
And when I changed and went back to myself, it was too late. People had found out; found that I had become tainted.
And that has ruined me. While I no longer care what people say or think, for some reason, when I do that which I love…it…it’s like the spark has gone out of me; like I no longer care about what I’m doing. And I don’t get why. Am I too nervous, you know, ‘once-bitten-twice-shy’ type deal, after this sobering lesson? It’s really got me worried. Or is it the fact that I know the quality of what I do has seriously declined from what it used to be?
For once, I wish my life was like one of those cheesy movie flicks.
At least then I know that my life would be going the way it should have gone.
[Image found on the Internet]
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