Broken

I have been nominated by The Eclectic Contrarian for the “Tell the Story” challenge. Thanks, Eclectic!

https://theeclecticcontrarian.wordpress.com/2019/01/12/tell-the-story-challenge/

What is this challenge?

This probably isn’t original, but I’ve been thinking about it.

I want to present a picture, then tell the story of the picture. It can be as short or as long as you want it to be. Nominate at least 3 people. This really gets your gears rolling. Be as creative as possible and use your imagination! Let’s see what kind of awesomeness can come from you!

Check him out – he is a great blogger and the story he wrote for this challenge is really good.

Here is the picture I was given to write a story about:

img_1331

BROKEN

Biting back a sob, Eric leaned against a massive tree trunk. He looked up at the stars shining brightly and wished he was one of them. He wished he was up there. He would not have to worry about anything. He wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. He would be away from it all. Away from the memories.

Eric spotted something streak across the night sky. A shooting star. He then spotted others streaking across the sky. He stood there transfixed as it stirred a memory.

***

Eric, look!

Eric, sucking his thumb, looked up at the stars and saw bright flashes of light streaking across the sky. He glanced at his mother who was lying down on the grass next to him, an arm around him. “Whas thad, Mum?

His mother looked at him and gave him her dazzling smile. He loved the ways her green eyes sparkled when she smiled. “Shooting stars,” she whispered, kissing his mess of curly hair. “Quick! There’s one! Make a wish,” she said. Eric looked at the star and made his wish.

I wish you wous be wits me always, Mummy,” Eric whispered. He snuggled into his mother, who kissed his head again.

Always.”

***

Eric slid to the ground, pressing his fists into his eyes, trying not to cry. A sharp cold breeze played with his hair. An image of his mother flashed before his eyes. He remembered her pulling her coat closer to herself as she walked through a strong wind. Tears squeezed around his fists and slid down his cheeks. His shoulders shook as sobs racked his body. Memory after memory flashed before his eyes.

He wrapped his arms around himself as he tried to push the memories away. But he couldn’t. He remembered everything they had done together. He remembered everything about her. He remembered everything – until there was only one thing left to remember.

***

Eric clutched his mother’s hand, willing her to live. He watched as her chest slowly rose and fell. Fear would grip him between the pause between each breath, and he would feel immense relief when she took another breath. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that the time gap between each breath was getting longer each time.

She opened her eyes. Her eyes roamed about the place and finally locked onto him. She gave him a smile that had lost its shine and attempted to squeeze his hand, but he barely felt it. She was fading fast. She raised her hand and cupped his right cheek in her hand. He leaned into her hand, the tears coming. With her thumb, she brushed his tears away and smiled at him, this time her smile was vibrant. He kissed her hand as her eyes closed. He waited for her to draw another breathe.

But she didn’t.

Her arm dropped down, hanging over the side of the bed, limp.

***

His fists clenched and he felt a burning sensation in his chest. His chest felt like it was being crushed. He let out a loud scream. He fell down onto his side, curled up into a fetal position and eventually fell asleep.

~

Eric’s eyes jerked open. He raised his head and looked around. The moon was out and there was a thick mist. What woke me up? Not seeing anything, he laid his head back down. He nearly had a heart attack when he felt something warm and fuzzy against his cheek. He rolled over and saw two bright eyes staring back at him. Heart in his throat, he realised it was a deer. A male deer, judging by the horns. He then saw that it had curled itself around him, keeping him warm. With a grateful smile, he leaned his head on the deer and fell back asleep.

~

“ERIC!”

Jonathan listened, desperate for any reply, any sign of his son. But all he heard was his echo and the angry squawk of birds whose sleep he had accidentally disturbed. The sun was not due up for another two hours. The mist was very thick. He stood at the edge of the plateau, trying to spot something in the mist.

His eyes darted around. He had not gone after his son when he had ran off after his mother had died. He thought it was best to let him grieve in peace for a little while. But when he failed to return by ten o’clock that night, he and some of his friends started combing the woods for him.

Where is he?

A twig snapped behind him. He quickly turned around, hoping it was Eric. His shoulders sagged as a deer stepped through the mist. He turned away, trying to convince himself that Eric was alright. It had been unusually cold that night, though. And Eric had not taken his jacket. Something nudged his leg. Looking behind him, he saw the deer standing there, staring straight at him. “What do you want?” he said, his words laced with irritation. The deer simply nudged him and then turned and started walking away. It then stopped and looked back at him, like it wanted Jonathan to follow it.

What in heavens name..?

To his surprise, it seemed to nod its head, like it was confirming Jonathan’s thoughts. With a shrug, he started walking after it. The deer continued on its way. It led him through the trees, down the slope. Where are we going? They reached the bottom of the slope and the deer continued without stopping. Jonathan kept his eyes on it, fearing he would lose it in the thick mist. Sometimes he lost sight of it, but it quickly appeared again, further on ahead. He hurried after it. He nearly bumped into, then realized it had stopped.

He saw that there was a bundle of something infront of the deer. No. Someone. He knelt down beside the person and gently rolled the person onto his or hers back. Tears pricked his eyes as he instantly picked Eric up and cradled him in his arms. His kissed his son’s forehead. Eric murmured in his sleep. He looked up and saw the deer was watching them, though had moved back. “Thank you,” he said. The deer looked at him for a few seconds, then seeming satisfied, turned around and disappeared into the mist. Jonathan took his coat off and wrapped it around Eric and stood up, holding his son in his arms and began heading home.

***

Now for my nominees:

InSpirited

Blue Fences

fabricthatmademe

The Pradita Chronicles

Anamika’s Blog

Alien Poet

Bereaved and Single Parent

Erins Poetry

Don’t participate if you don’t want to. This is entirely voluntary. Here is your picture:

962351be-2c02-422a-9707-417b71fb4e16

Have fun and let your imagination go!

COPYRIGHT

All novels and short stories on this blog are the works of @rue202 and Racheal’s Novels Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without the express and written permission of the author is strictly not allowed. You may use excerpts and links or reblogs of this material provided that complete and clear credit is given to rue202 and Racheal’s Novels with clear directions to the original content.

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67 thoughts on “Broken

  1. Rachel as to your question whether there shld be a second part to this. I feel you have given a beautiful closure to the story….bringing it to a point where Eric is back safe in his father’s hand and joines back his fold. You have done justice to the picture you got. May be a continuation might feel like a little drag…
    It’s totally my opinion Rachel, others might have a different opinion.
    But beautifully narrated, i must say.
    Thank you so much for the nomination.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stating your thoughts. I was trying to come up with an idea for a continuation, but I was having trouble and it was starting to feel like it was milking the story. So your thoughts match my own.
      Thanks!
      You’re welcome. If you do decide to participate, I look forward to seeing what story you can come up with.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Actually you have tempted me more with the picture or image you have provided, so i would definitely want to participate. ..but I would sure take some time, if that’s alright with you. Have a blessed Sunday Racheal…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, girl, you rock! The story evoked beautiful and poignant imagery. Whenever I read your work, I marvel at how young and yet how accomplished you are. Thank you so much for nominating me. I’ll try to justice to the honour you have conferred on me. Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lawd! You guys (The Eclectic Contrarian and yourself) do such great stuff with writings! Before seeing this post, I already read his and left him a comment not knowing yours too had its mark to leave. #Thumbs guys!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ms. rue202. To your question as to whether or not you should write a sequel, may I put in my two cents. As you know, my blog is all about conversing with God through Scripture. I would love to see you get into the mind of your protagonist and while thinking about the rescue of his son, contemplate on whether the ‘deer’ was actually real or a myth. Take the father to a higher place of divinity and explore the supernatural. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello, tgifmasterminds,
      Thank you for your comment, and your thoughts. That is a very interesting idea of yours. I have always had it in my mind that the deer was an angel sent by God to keep the son safe and to lead the father to his son. My story “Broken” was actually based on an actual similar event (except the boy hadn’t lost his mother and went running off into the woods – he was in the woods hunting or something when a blizzard hit, but anyway). In my mind, when the father saw the deer and followed it, he was too busy worried about his son and hoping that the deer would know where the son was to think about whether the deer was real or not. In my mind, the father recognized it as being an angel or at least guided by God at the end when he looks at it and says “thank you”.
      But I appreciate your thoughts and it is very interesting.

      Like

  5. By all means. You almost told the story in your reply to me. But that’s not good enough. You MUST do it as a writer. Take yourself to another level. Tell a person’s thoughts in first person. Try it! You’ll like it. (I ‘speak’ for God in my blogs all the time.) Why? Because He gets into my head and allows it. Be bold and original in your thoughts as an author. You’ve got TALENT, girl!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Um…I told the story as a writer in the post “Broken”. I have thought and prayed about writing a sequel, but I feel as if I shouldn’t. As someone else said to me, it would in all likely hood be milking it doing a sequel. Your idea about the father wondering about the deer is interesting, I’m just not sure how to flesh it out and make it a story.

      Like

  6. Apology accepted. I was just responding to what you wrote: You said, “I have thought and prayed about writing a sequel, but I FEEL AS IF I SHOULDN’T.: And you also wrote, “As someone else said to me,…” My question to you is why pray when you and someone else other than the Lord will answer your inquiry. As I said before, as for me, I trust the Lord. You’ve heard that old saying,, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!” He alone has given you the ability and talent to become a writer…trust Him and soar. May He richly bless you in your pursuit. Good night.

    Like

    1. Why pray? Because He knows everything and knows what is best to do. We humans may think we know what is best and what we should do, but the Lord/Yah knows better as He sees everything – past, present, future. There is nothing wrong with asking for other people’s thoughts, but ultimately, He knows what’s best and it is better to go to Him. Why should we go to others when we can go to Him, our Heavenly Father? I was only asking to see if anybody else wanted a sequel after one person said they wanted one. I do trust Him and I go to Him about ideas and details for stories that I am writing. He shows me what to write and if He says not to write this, do something else, then I am going to do it no matter what anyone else says.

      Like

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